Im writing this blog, as a form of therapy. to save myself from myself as it were. it's been 5 days since my ex, with whom i felt a reconsiliation was in the works, told me in clear, concise words that he didnt want to be with me.
Like i said im writing this as a form of therapy...as with an therapy session im going to try to be as honest as i can.
Ill start from the beginning...because im tired of crying, and feeling like shit. maybe its me, but ive always been very unlucky in love and relationships. ill start with Biodun (he is the ex I'm referring to) and ill start from the 28th of last month. okay me and biodun dated for about 4 years, it was a very tumultous realtionship, i cant explain it..he was a wonderful person, really kind, generous, and he loved me. but right from the jump id idnt want to be with him, our relationship in the beginning consisted of him telling me he loved me, and me going on dates with other guys ( i was 21, not like it justifies anything, and fairly sheltered growing up). You see i didnt think he fit the criteria of the kind of guy i should be with, i grew up in lagos, and went to secondary and uni there, i wanted a certain type of guy and frankly he didnt fit the mould. i met him at a friends house, he was intellignet, ambitous and funny, BUT, he was poor, yeah i said it!) things had turned sour for his family when he was a teenager & it pretty much went downhill from there. what he lacked in finances he tried to make up to me by doing things fro me and just being a very good boyfriend.
When things were good they were great when they were bad it was BAD, we had fights of epic proportions! anyways fast forward 4 years after, and im off to the UK to study, here ouyr fights continued...i resented him because i felt he could do more as a boyfriend, and he just plain resented me!
I would talk to my male friends to try and get an insight into what he must be thinking, he was angry lots, after any fight he'd say dont call me anymore, i dont wanna be with you...he even called me DAMAGED GOODS once! we broke up for the 150th and final time the following year. Fastforward to 2009 (i wont bore you with the things i got up to within that time), but it wasnt anything that would make anyone blush, infact my friends call me a prude, im like Marcia Brady. i did meet someone, but he was a complete asshole.
Xmas 09 i go to lagos, where i hadnt been in 2 years, i saw him breifly once...he looked good...but i didnt wanna go there...my best friends words resonated in my ears "he's your ex for a reason". his bday was sometime after xmas, his best friend called and invited me for it, i didnt wanna go, but after enough persuasions from them both i did. i even bought him a birthday cake so it wouldn't appear like i showed up without anything, because i got there really late i ended up staying over, the plan was that the 3 of us, me, him and his best friend would just have some cake and wine, and call it a day. i had some cake, they had wine, and i went into his room to lie down, long story short he came back and we did the dirrty (4 times before morning, wow it was never this good with him when we were together!), maybe it was all the endorphins being released, i felt right there and there that I LOVE THIS FOOL! HE'S THE ONE I WANT, I DONT CARE WHAT MY FRIENDS OR ANYONE THINKS!...did i add that most of my friends were more than happy when we broke up, alot of them said i was too good for him (this again was due to his financial status, mostly).
We met up again just before i returned to my base in the UK, and pretty much the same went down, we ushered in the new year together, and we decied we wont talk about all the things we did to each other in the past. I went back to the UK with so much positivity, and hope for our future! i was already picking out wedding dresses and a theme, but i didn't tell anyone (cos i didnt want to jinx it...and ofcourse because we hadn't finalized what the next step was to be). i tried bringing it up once and he didn't want to talk about it (i should have realised then)
One can only guess what happened next...
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